You can lead a Norse to water (as long as it’s frozen)

Celebrity status doesn’t always travel well.
Today Helen had to swerve to avoid bumping into Paula Ratcliffe, while Sir Chris Hoy walked past me on the railway platform.
Except that didn’t really happen. As they say at the end of film credits, all the circumstances are correct, but some of the names have been changed.
Instead, the people we did come across were Therese Johaug and Marit Bjørgen. If you’re not a fan of cross-country skiing, you’ll say ‘who?’ If you live in Norway – for which this pair have garnered a clutch of gold medals – you’ll say ‘wøw!’
And we are in Norway. To be precise, we’re stood on a frozen lake, more than 4,000 feet above sea level, and we’re about to start a 38km ski race from Finse (where they filmed the opening scenes of The Empire Strikes Back) to Ustaoset.
There’s a few thousand doing this race – including the above mentioned skiing stars - and to all intents and purposes, it’s the final event of the European cross-country ski race season. So much so, in fact, that with soaring temperatures at lower altitudes (people were sunbathing in Oslo’s parks the day before), it’s a wonder there’s any snow left.
To get to Finse meant catching the 5.30am train from Oslo, skiing the race route, and then catching the return train to get back to Oslo at 9.45pm. A long day.

Womens Start

Is this valid Bob Graham Round training? Well, it begins with a lung-busting 800 feet climb in the first 2km, and pretty much fits the category of fell-race-on-skis. It also meant we missed the Dallam Dash – sorry.
From the top, it’s an undulating course through some spectacular, non-stop snowy scenery, with a few more stiff climbs thrown in. And it’s hot. So hot that the snow has turned mushy and slow, and Helen’s arms have gone a wonderfully tanned stripey colour where she’s rolled up her sleeves – they look a bit like Neapolitan ice cream from the elbows to the wrists.

Helen on one of the many climbs

With a ‘touring class’ of about 10,000 skiers setting off at intervals before the main race, there’s a lot of threading my way through them to be done, but a steep and fast descent on some fast-melting snow (with bits of heather poking out – a bit like a good ski season in Scotland) brings me to the finish in four hours, 30 minutes. Calories expended: 3,600.

Me at the race finish

We’re soon back on the train for the return trip to Oslo – with some very drunk Norwegians. The train conductor announces that as there are no toilets on board, we’ll be stopping at the town of Ål. Where there are toilets I suppose? Er....no. Several carriages worth disembark and relieve themselves up against buildings, trees, hedges, passing dogs, etc. Everyone then gets back on board and we leave the town smelling of wee for quite some time to come. I bet you sporting celebrities don’t behave like this.... except Paula Radcliffe, of course.